I am not done living life yet but I am old enough to see that my life has offered me a way to see myself and others with more love and joy than I once thought. I have been so fortunate to see the value in always cultivating what I want to feel in my experiences.
Whether it be love, joy or excitement I have been able to recognize the opportunity to ride these emotional waves even amongst the nastiest storms of my life. Transforming some of the worst times in my life into times of my most treasured moments and memories.
I can definitely say that my life has had 3 parts. Part one is my life pre-bodybuilding which was from zero to about fifteen years old. Then post- bodybuilding which was from fifteen till about forty-six. Then post bodybuilding or post second divorce which has been from forty-six till now. The worst time and best time ironically has been this last portion of my life.
Worst because it was deeply traumatizing going through my second divorce and retiring from my competitive years of bodybuilding. My whole world had to change. But the best because during this time I have transformed myself and my experiences, gained more control over my own experiences and feelings and have come to a place of deep peace and a profound sense of gratitude for all of my life experiences, good and bad.
I can clearly see how I needed each and every experience in my life and how I am so much better off now than I was in other parts of my life. I can’t help but reflect on how clear I am on this. How much I deeply appreciate my life and who I am today than I did when I was in my 20’s, 30’s and even most of my 40’s.
Best of all I fell like I am wanting for nothing in my life. And faithful of so much more to come. It is an incredible feeling to walk through such deeply meaningful times filled with sadness and disappointment and now feel immensely grateful that I did.
I see the value in all of my life good and bad. And it makes this next part of may life so much easier to face and so much more exciting to dream about. Thank you to myself for sticking it through, asking the questions, facing the good and the bad and not relenting in order to learn something greater than I was before. I am deeply grateful for this life and who I am.
I am love. I am joy. I am good. And so are each one of you.
Picture: one of my favorite daddy-daughter vacations to St. John with my Kiana!
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