It is hard to concisely summarize what makes for a good marriage or partnership. But this can also apply to any relationship, but here I am mainly referring to marriage or a committed relationship.
When I say “good” relationship or marriage I mean one that has mutual respect, love and authentic connection. I could literally write a book just on what good means in this context but suffice it to say it is a partnership with these qualities and is fulfilling the personal needs of each of the parties involved.
How do you know you even stand a chance at having a “good” relationship? I believe that there are two main indicators. I am not a marriage counselor, but I have had plenty of experience with over 30 years of successful and unsuccessful partnerships to know some of what works and some of what doesn’t work. This is just my reflections.
Just being able to have a successful partner in this world can be so challenging especially since we all come to each other with such different world views and ideas about relationships. Fundamentally, a good partnership is one that can last and endure through time and circumstance and still maintain the qualities of love, connection and joy.
I see two main traits that each person must stand behind completely no matter the circumstances. The first is your vow of commitment to each other and second is your willingness to always work toward authentic connection. If either party lacks either one of these qualities, then given the right situation the logic may and will most likely be produced to leave the partnership. Under the guise of “it just didn’t work out” or some other excuse it really doesn’t matter. The rest are just details.
So the question really becomes why are we as people in a partnership making excuses to welch on our vows of commitment and or why don’t we really want to work towards authentic connection? For each person it is most likely different, but the answer to the success of a failing marriage or relationship lies in answering these two questions honestly and authentically.
And to answer these important questions in a relationship takes work, trust and emotional intelligence. Unfortunately, maybe its my bad luck but so many of the ladies I have experience with either didn’t have much emotional intelligence, couldn’t trust enough or simply didn’t want to do the work. Bless their hearts I loved them all dearly but that is my honest assessment.
Foot note: I had my own hand in the demise of my relationships too. And I failed at the same two qualities as well. I will not make the same mistakes twice though. I can promise you that!
I am committed. I am connected. I am always good!
Picture: me and my daughter, always connected and I uphold my vow of commitment to her as her father.
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