Lately I have been thinking a lot about dating and relationships. Should I date again or should I not. I have been married twice in my life and I have had many wonderful experiences in all of my relationships. But the last two years, I decided to stay single so that I could do some deep internal work on myself from the inside out. I do this best when I am single and have nobody else to direct my energy at.
I wanted to understand myself better. I wanted to unravel all of my relationship disappointments and find out why I had attracted into my life who and what I have. But most importantly, I hoped to understand myself better and why I gravitate towards certain relationships and why not others.
What I found was very interesting and deeply gratifying. First, I feel more at ease on my own by myself. I used to feel like I needed to have a partner in my life to make it complete but I have found that this was an idea planted into my life but not by me.
Second, I found that in many ways I am better by myself than when I am with some partners. My schedule is demanding, a lot of people want a slice of my time, I work all hours sometimes and I actually love doing all that I do for and with others. When I have to share my time with a partner in my life, I seem to run into issues. I think it is because I have actually enjoyed what I do with my days more than spending time with previous partners.
However, I found that I truly miss connecting deeply. My coaching allows for some of this, but not all of what I need. I have always had a difficult time finding a partner who was willing to go this deep with me. They were all were too scared. None could be truly vulnerable with me and open themselves to a fuller feeling experience. I don’t blame them, they just didn’t have the tools nor the experience.
I am for the first time in my life truly appreciating my minutes and my days. I am smelling the roses more. I am tasting my life more and I am feeling more in my days than I ever have. I still have my moments of insecurity but they seem distant and farther in-between all my other moments now. My life is dominated by my own deep internal meditative work, they gym and the loving labor of my coaching practice. I am so thankful for who I am.
The funny thing is, I once thought that my relationships would bring me all the depth and meaning to my life. I found that everything I needed to thrive was always within me. The love I sought was inside of me the whole time. It was never outside of me. I did not need anyone to give me permission to feel the wholeness of my being.
What a wonderful epiphany this is. I was always whole and complete in spite of what I felt and thought before. Life is a glorious experience. And it is happening to us right now.
I am joy. I am love. I am so very good.
(P.S. Taking a picture with two of my champions at the NPC AZ Open! Yea we pretty much won everything! Proud of you ladies! Off to the Masters and the USA’s for these ladies!)
*If you want to read more of my Happy Bubble meditations, go to my blog (link below)
https://calendly.com/tadthedietcoach/45-minutes
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